


You Had Me at Hi

by 27dragons, tisfan



Series: Sarcasm Prompts [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bad Flirting, M/M, POV Steve Rogers, Television Watching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 07:05:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17279369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/27dragons/pseuds/27dragons, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tisfan/pseuds/tisfan
Summary: 16 gilajames said: Prompt: "Sorry, I don't speak skank." Anybody, but Tony walking in and saying "I do!" (Like he's offering to translate. ;-) )





	You Had Me at Hi

**Author's Note:**

  * For [james](https://archiveofourown.org/users/james/gifts).



“I just don’t get it,” Bucky said, disgusted. He took a handful of popcorn and clearly considered throwing it at the screen, but Steve quelled that with a look. Just because Tony had made custom ‘bots that vacuumed the carpet was no reason for Buck to waste food like that.

“Don’t get what?” Nat didn’t even look up from her book, paying no attention at all to the movie. “It’s an action movie. It makes almost no sense, follows no laws of physics, and mostly exists to show off good looking people in improbable situations.”

“I… don’t get how that guy-- that one, right there, like, he’s not even hot _at all_ \-- is getting laid every time we switch scenes. I mean, I was smooth, back in the day. Wasn’t I smooth, Steve?”

Steve rolled his eyes. “If you could call it that.” Buck had been very popular with his dates, back in the forties, even when Steve considered that he was constantly being dragged on double-dates. The ladies knew Steve was tagging along, and they still agreed anyway, so Bucky must have been some sort of smooth.

“And I was _not_ shaking out the sheets like that,” Bucky gesticulated wildly. “What is he saying to get that much quality ass?”

“I don’t know, Buck,” Steve admitted. “Sorry, I don’t speak skank.”

“I do!” said Tony as he came in the room, his own bowl of popcorn balanced precariously on the omnipresent coffee mug. “What skank are we speaking to?”

“James wishes to know how he can have the sex appeal of Jason Statham,” Nat said. “I think it’s a hopeless case and he should just give up.”

Tony turned toward the movie and watched for a moment as Statham scored yet another pretty girl. Steve had to admit, Bucky might have a point. Maybe he had a mutant power that would be revealed later? No, too subtle for this sort of movie.

“Oh, well, that’s pretty easy, really,” Tony said. “It’s only about fifteen percent actual sex appeal. The secret is in saying the right things, in the right _way_.”

“I _have_ actual sex appeal,” Bucky protested, flexing just a little harder than usual. The way he _always_ did when Tony was in the room. “He doesn’t. So what the hell is he saying that’s getting him into everyone’s pants?”

Tony set his bowl and mug on the table. “I imagine it’s something like...” He leaned over the couch until his lips were brushing right against Bucky’s ear -- which was totally unnecessary; Bucky’s hearing was as enhanced as the rest of him -- and whispered something, low enough that even Steve couldn’t hear it.

Bucky’s neck turned red, and then his ears, and then his whole face. He looked like a tomato that was about to combust. His mouth opened, but no sound came out.

Tony straightened, just a hint of a sly smirk on his lips, and winked at Bucky. “A little bit like that,” he said, his tone easy and unaffected. He plopped down onto the couch between Bucky and Nat, and grabbed his popcorn.

Bucky swallowed hard enough that Steve could hear it from across the room. He couldn’t decide if Bucky had been turned to stone, or if his pants were going to spontaneously go up in flames.

“Really, Tony?” Nat asked, nudging him with her elbow. “You’re being unkind to James. I mean, usually you just need to say _hi_.”

Bucky shook his head, trying to dispel the effects of Tony’s apparently _overwhelming_ sex appeal (Steve had a hard time not mentally chuckling at that. Tony was so _not_ Steve’s type.) “Uh… yeah, okay,” he said, finally. “That’d work.” 

**Author's Note:**

> The movie they're watching is the remake of the _Italian Job_


End file.
